Laurie’s Blog :: Laurie's Blog

A Challenge to Women Leaders

13 January 2013

Laurie Battaglia

This morning, I Skyped with a former co-worker. We were comparing our lives since we’d left the company where we both worked; much has happened in the past two years for both of us. As we compared our stories, we had many of the same experiences.

Along the way, I mentioned that an intuitive friend, years before I actually moved to Arizona, told me that it would be a man who helped me get to Arizona. At the time, I was working for a female boss, a really good one—a strong leader, for six years of my career. My co-worker noted that as she had built her career, she was surrounded by a lot of great female mentors who supported her, gave her great ideas, and in general helped her out along the way. But when push came to shove, it was a man who actually made things happen for her.

Here’s what’s interesting about this—the females in the stories were the same rank or higher than the men. But somehow, it was the male leader that made it happen. And that’s disturbing to me.

I’ve lived in the corporate world since 1978. In my early career, of course it was men that made things happen! There were very few females in positions of power. Those that were there had kicked, screamed, and sacrificed family life to get to where they were, and they weren’t likely to share the glory with some young woman just entering the fray.

But that was then, and this is now. The situations that happened with my colleague and I were in the past three years. So, what’s the excuse?

I’m a female leader… I’ve had people reporting to me since 1981. That’s a really long time. And I find myself wondering, did I do all that I could have? Have I made things happen for people? Have I built my centers of influence to be strong enough to be able to help people make moves, or am I that woman that folks go to in order to feel better, so they can get back up on the horse and ride?

Don’t get me wrong. There is something to be said for being the supportive female leader. And lives get changed for the better when we are surrounded by people who lift us up, rather than smacking us down.

When push comes to shove, female leaders, do we exercise our influence? Have we built enough credibility to be respected as a mover and a shaker? My challenge to you is, take a look around. Who have you helped and in what ways? Can you do more? Can female leaders work together to help people make the changes in their lives that set them on their highest and best path? I’d like to hear your stories about how you’ve helped, or were helped by a female leader. Comments below, please.

Categories : Leadership

Take one small step…

06 January 2013

Laurie Battaglia

The New Year brings about a whole flurry of resolutions for many. And even if, like me, you don’t quite believe in making resolutions only once a year, it’s a time to reflect on what’s working and what needs to go.

As I look back on the major changes in my life, it’s often more of an evolution, rather than a revolution. Now, I’m not saying that the occasionally LARGE shakeup is a bad thing – it’s just not feasible for many.

To get back to the New Year theme, it’s nearly impossible to change one’s life, career, diet, relationships, exercise, and more all at once. Not that people don’t try! There was a year when a friend and I made the mistake of going to Weight Watchers in January. Yikes! Are those lines long!!! And when I practiced yoga regularly at a local studio, we used to dread the beginning of the year because all the people who swore they would Change Things Now were in there with us regulars. The good news for the regulars is – they will mostly all be gone by March and life can get back to normal!

So what works when you’ve just had it? When you can’t stand to do it the way you’ve been doing “it” (whatever it is… fill in the blank) for one more day?

Take. One. Small. Step.

Joe and I have changed our diets immensely after his triple bypass back in 2002, the year we got married. There’s nothing like a near-heart-attack seven months before the wedding to set your priorities straight. We didn’t do it all at once… it’s been a transition over ten years. First the red meat went, then the fried and fast food (my entire diet!), and eventually, I tried a low glycemic index diet and became a believer. Now I’m working toward gluten-free. If you had told me in 2002 that I’d no longer drink coffee or Diet Coke, wouldn’t be able to remember the last trip to a fast food restaurant, that I’d no longer eat beef or pork, and that eventually I’d even cut the bread/pasta/cracker/pretzel part of my diet, which would lead to much less cheese…. Well. We would have had quite a “discussion” about it. By the way, bacon isn’t pork, is it? Because I’m not giving that up when I eat breakfast out!

Along the way, with each change, came one of the Dwarfs, Grumpy, and he brought along some sisters, Bitchy and Cranky. Tearful came along once in a while, too, for good measure.

Changing things is not for the faint of heart. But is it worth it? YES!

Small steps. Just changing one little thing. It makes a BIG difference in the long run. And when your brain switches to not preferring whatever that thing is that you left behind, you are home free. And you’ll celebrate with the rest of us who just changed One. Little. Thing.

Categories : Change, Fear, Gratitude, Legacy, life

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year? Read on…

25 December 2012

Laurie Battaglia

All around us, people are hustling and bustling through their holiday rituals – shopping, eating, attending parties, spending time with loved ones, caroling, decorating – and the list goes on. But what if you just aren’t in the mood?

Maybe your loved ones aren’t close by, or you don’t subscribe to the rituals of shopping, eating, over-consuming on many levels. Some of you may have lost loved ones this past year. Some may be wondering about the world in general with current events around us that tell us folks aren’t getting along so well. Maybe your health isn’t so good, and it’s gotten you worried.

But come on! It’s Christmas! Or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or Festivus! Get in the spirit for Pete’s Sake!

Well, I don’t want to. And maybe you don’t as well.

For me, I’ve been like this for several years now. It’s a combination of things – a grown-up son rather than little ones that love the presents(with a birthday the day after Christmas!), family that is now far away, a couple years of studying Eastern philosophies and a belief that all is impermanent, a dislike of consumerism and all who have to have the newest toys.

And finally, a belief that I HAVE ENOUGH! Here are the things I’m grateful for:

A husband who loves me more than life itself and whom I love that much in return
A wonderful blended family:
- A son and his family including my daughter-in-law and two granddaughters
- Three step-sons and two future daughters-in-law; one step-daughter and a future son-in-law (I’m jumping to some conclusions there, but sometimes you know…)
- My mom who is 90; my mother-in-law who is 87
- Great in-laws in general
- Two brothers and their families
My health
Working for a great boss at a great company
Building our business together, Living the Dream Coaches, LLC with my beloved Joe
Friends, acquaintances, and colleagues that I love, like, and respect
A bunch of positive, loving coaches and mastermind partners who lift me up and are the source of lots of great ideas.
Business coaches and mentors who challenge me to a whole new level

So please, buy me no gifts – I want for nothing. It would thrill me if we could all walk the path of peace, love, and happiness. If we laid down our weapons, whether they were of metal or plastic, or sharp tongues. If we worked to get along. My father used to tell me he didn’t want anything for Christmas, and I just didn’t get it. Well, now I do.

Merry Christmas and Season’s Greetings to all!

Categories : Gratitude, Legacy, life, Love

Pushing Through the Pain of Change

09 December 2012

Laurie Battaglia

“When the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing, change occurs.” That’s what they told us in coach training class. Are you buying it? Is your pain deep enough to make you change your life, your career, or your relationships? Or are you just comfortable enough to remain right where you are, maybe complaining to your friends or anyone who will listen, as you stay stuck in the place you are now?

It was about twenty years ago when I began to realize that I was in a marriage that no longer worked for me. It had its ups and downs, and often the good outweighed the bad. And then something shifted in me, and what was “good enough” for years was no longer good enough.

It was two years ago when I had to make a tough career decision – stay with a company that I thought I’d work for until I was ready for full-time entrepreneurship, certify myself and then leave and jump fulltime into coaching, or find a different job that fulfilled me while I worked on building our coaching practice. My job had progressed to the point where I was trapped in a job I didn’t love, working for a boss I didn’t love, at a company that no longer met my needs. And even knowing all that, it was hard to go. I was there more than twelve years and had many friends and colleagues that I respected.

I made the decision to seek other fulltime employment and it was the best thing I could have done for myself career-wise. I was able to find a role that I love, working for someone who’s the best boss I’ve had in my 34 year career, at a company that is strong and supportive of where I am in my life and career. I’ve been able to heal some wounds from past jobs and companies; I’ve gotten several do-overs.

As usual, I had to be in such pain that it was impossible to ignore. Like so many other people, I’m willing to put up and shut up long after I should go. I like to say that my Guides and Angels conspired to get me to leave by making daily life a giant energy suck. I was exhausted just showing up at work. I couldn’t ignore the pain any longer. In corporate speak, I became the “actively disengaged,” there in name only.

How did I make the move? I very carefully considered exactly what it was I was looking for. I knew what my strengths were, and I knew where my weaknesses are. I asked a lot of questions that I wouldn’t have asked earlier in my career. I knew that if the open position didn’t result in an offer, then it wasn’t meant to be. Something else would show up at the right time and place.

In the end, they chose me and I chose them. When we take on a new job, or a new relationship, or a new life, we choose. Sometimes we make our choice by not actively choosing, but waiting to see what happens. For me, I believe that if I’m not working my own plan, I’m part of someone else’s. I prefer my own choices.

What is it that needs to change in your life? Why aren’t you moving ahead, making active choices? How much pain will you need to be in, before you can see the light of change shining at the end of the tunnel, up ahead? I wish for you the courage to choose, to make the choices that will lead to your best life yet.

Categories : Change, Fear, life, Love

When Is It My Turn?

03 September 2012

Laurie Battaglia

He was on his way to middle school, and he was heading up the street early in the morning. I don’t know if it was the effect of his heavy backpack, but he looked weighed down, like he carried the problems of the world on his shoulders. He certainly didn’t look thrilled about where he was going.

I flashed back to junior high, a time when I was waiting for life to get started. When would it be my turn to experience life outside of school? Having older brothers didn’t help… it seemed like they were already well on their way. I couldn’t wait to get started! Life seemed to move in slow motion then.

Flash forward nearly 50 years. Life now moves at warp speed. Has it really be 10 years since Joe and I married? How did my granddaughters get to be 9 and nearly 7? When did my son get so wise? My stepkids are all grown and looking at houses…huh? How can I possibly have been in the workforce for nearly 35 years? When exactly did my hair turn white?

One thing is certain. Babies are born, parents pass on, and people come and go in and out of our lives. Life goes on.

And still I ask, “When will it be my turn?” Some days I go through life looking like that kid on his way to school. And I have to remind myself that it is… my turn… every day. I choose to live where I do, to be employed where I am, to have the friends that I have, to run my own business, to be married to my soul mate and life partner.

What choices have you made? Are you living like it’s your turn, today, right now? Because it is your turn. Today. Now. Choose it. Live it!

Categories : Change, Fear, Legacy, life

Ditch the Drama!

11 August 2012

Laurie Battaglia

Are you a drama addict? How would you know? How about this… things are always happening to you, bad stuff, like family relationships gone bad… he said, she said stuff… never the right significant other, and you wonder how they keep finding you… bad bosses… ignorant co-workers… Enough?

I was addicted to drama earlier in life. I’m not quite sure where it started, as I came from a family that prided itself in peace within the home. At least, outward peace, the kind that other people could see. And I’m the youngest child; we tend toward drama a bit more than our older, more staid siblings. It made life more exciting! At least, it did early on.

And then you reach an age where it’s not that much fun anymore. When I was in my early 40s, I was out with a group of people celebrating our college graduation, and there was a reader at the restaurant. She would either read your palm or answer a question. I took the palm reading. She told me that in my 50s, I would search for peace and quiet. I told her she didn’t know me very well. She told me it was all in my lifeline. And so it was, and my journey for peace continues.

So how do you ditch the drama in your life?

First, are you sure you are ready to? If you don’t have all these huge problems to solve, what will you do with your mind, and your time?

If you are ready, identify and work through the triggers for drama, and then create new ways to deal with it. Many times, we form patterns of drama over the years and we don’t even know we’re doing it! Here are a couple of actionable tips:

Stop over-thinking things! Joe’s favorite thing to say, when women are asking him what men mean when they say… (Whatever they are saying, fill that in here)… is “Stop! We’re not that complicated. We’re actually quite simple. What we say is what we mean.”
Stop taking everything personally. Whatever comes out of another person’s mouth is about them. How you take it is about you! When you hear something that feels personal, stop and ask why a reasonable person might be doing or saying whatever you’re experiencing. Then, give the benefit of the doubt and move on!
Start accepting others for who they are and the gifts they bring to the world. Stop trying to change people to fit your personal standards.

Many times women’s drama comes from a need to control every detail of everyone’s life, and needlessly high expectations, both of ourselves and others. This leads to a judgmental attitude which leads to more drama… it’s a vicious cycle.

Two things you can do:

Hire a coach who will work with you on breaking the drama cycle. Coaches can hold up the mirror for you until the patterns of drama are broken.
If the issue is deep-seated in family issues or childhood, hire a qualified therapist that can help you unpack the baggage and choose a better set of luggage to take along on life’s ride!

Categories : Change, Fear, life, Love

Clutter and Inaction… what do they have in common?

21 July 2012

Laurie Battaglia

Look around you at your living space and work space… if a stranger walked into your home or office, what conclusions would they draw about you? Does it look like you’ve got it all together, or does it look like you’re this close to imploding? How much clutter surrounds you, and what does it say about you?

What I’ve learned is that when you go into someone’s space, and there’s a lot of clutter around, it tends to mean that the person is stuck somewhere in their life. People tend to hold onto things to feel in control. And many of us baby boomers were raised by parents who lived through the Depression, and we still pay the price as we hold onto things that have little value, convinced that they do. Hoarding is the extreme… if you are so addicted to things that you can’t fit them all into your space, consult with a professional because something else is going on there.

If you did away with your need for clutter and things, and got things organized, what would that free up in your life? What else would be able to come in because now there’s room for it?

Now I have to say, I’m a case of the pot calling the kettle black. I’ve always been comfortable with a certain amount of clutter. I like my “stuff” out where I can see it. And then it builds up over time, and gets seriously on my nerves, and I spend a day or two cleaning it all up, just to see it build up again over time. And when it does build up, I’ve come to realize that something is happening in my life that isn’t positive. Either I’ve over-committed, or circumstances changes that weren’t in my control, and so my clutter gets… overwhelming. My clutter is a sign that I’m overbooked and out of control.

Take a look at your clutter – what does it signal for you?

Categories : Change, Fear, life

Burning your bridges at work

07 July 2012

Laurie Battaglia

Most of us will change employers a number of times in our career, and some of us will change careers as well. Should you care about those you leave behind – bosses, colleagues, team members? Sometimes things don’t end well, and it may be tempting to tell them all to “take this job and shove it” as the song used to say.

My career has spanned over thirty years and in that time, here are a couple of key things I learned.

Be very careful who you put down, step on, or don’t care about… you may end up in the same workplace. One of you may end up working for the other.
Even if you never see them again, it’s a small world … you might end up working with a relative or close friend of that person you treated so badly.
Social media changes everything. It used to be, that you could more easily cut ties with people and never see them again. Social media means that each of us can find the other.

I’ve learned that burning bridges is not a wise thing. So here are a couple of ways to keep the bridges intact and stable, as you walk away with your dignity and your head held high.

Use LinkedIn to your advantage. Through LinkedIn, it’s always possible to stay in touch, even when you don’t have emails or phone numbers of former colleagues. When you see someone’s name pop up, write them a short note asking how they are, and giving a few highlights of what you’ve been up to. Most people respond.
If you were personal friends, or don’t mind people seeing what you’re up to, friend them on Facebook.
Keep names and email addresses, and phone numbers if you have them, and stay in touch every so often. Again, a short note is all it takes.
When leaving a role or an employer, remember to have some class. People will remember both the good and the bad that you did… go out on an up note, rather than being angry or sabotaging others. Go kindly and with dignity.

Your reputation will precede you — make sure people are telling great stories about you, the work that you do, and the positive energy that you bring to the job. Create and leave a legacy that you can be proud of!

Laurie

Need a career make-over or want some help determining your legacy? Give us a call at Living the Dream Coaches. 888-505-5762

Categories : Legacy

Where is Your Life Headed?

06 June 2012

Laurie Battaglia

“So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains, that we never even know we have the key.” “You can see the stars, and still not see the light.”

Lyrics from “Already Gone” by the Eagles

So often in life, I see people around me “trapped” in jobs they don’t enjoy, or life situations that they need to separate themselves from. Been there myself! Feeling trapped, in the shoulds, and coulds, and ought-to’s is a bad place to be.

How do we live the life we dream about, especially when things get bad? I recently listened to a CD by Louise L Hay, “The Power of Your Spoken Word.” In it, she talks about how our words create our world. When we speak negative thoughts, we bring about more of what we don’t want. Interesting, and true.

As iPEC trained coaches, we believe that people’s energy is either catabolic (negative – victim, conflict/anger) or anabolic (positive – forgiving, compassionate, peaceful, joyful). As we raise our thoughts and emotions away from the negative to the positive, our energy shifts. We see things differently and the Universe provides us with positive experiences in response.

After we married in 2002, we decided that after our children were all out of college, we’d move from Pennsylvania to Arizona to live out our dreams. As that final tuition payment came into sight, we made our plans, giving ourselves a date by which one of us would have secured a job in Arizona. The other would get us established and figure out what came next. We set up a house-buying trip in October 2009 before either of us had any kind of job. Laurie was the one to secure the position with her company’s site in Scottsdale by the time that trip happened, while Joe was the one to get us established in Arizona after the move. We flew west in January 2010, and are happily living the life we dreamed of during all those cold and snowy winters back east.

Sometimes you just have to take the leap, set your intention, and make it happen. We did it, and you can, too. How does your life need to change in order to live the life of your dreams?

Categories : Love

What Will You Be Doing in 2046?

21 May 2012

Laurie Battaglia

Today, March 20, I celebrate 34 years in banking and finance. I began my career as a teller in 1978, before my bank had computers or checking accounts. Ledger cards and calculating interest by hand were the norm. Women took lesser jobs than their husbands, and often quit working when the kids came along. Single women and men could not support themselves on the salary that I was paid in that role, even at that time.

A lot has changed in 34 years, mostly for the better. As I think about myself at 21, walking into that savings and loan for the first time, I could not have known the changes I would see in my industry, in the world, and in myself over the years. My son was 4 years old at the time, and I was one of the original working moms. Oh, moms had worked over the years, but somehow it was different in the late 70’s when the world was about to accept women in the workplace, although somewhat begrudgingly.

Eventually, I made more than my husband did, and so did many of my friends vs. their spouses. Along the way, I educated myself, getting an associates degree, then bachelors and masters degrees, followed by recent coach certification. The world has changed and so did I.

Over the years, I had a long first marriage, and then spent some time divorced and single before meeting Joe. He brought along 4 wedding presents – Patrick, Pete, James, and Anne. I gave him two wedding presents – my son Matt and my daughter-in-law Brook, and soon to follow, two more presents,granddaughters Natalie and Megan.

And today we received another gift… Patrick has asked his long-time partner Lisa to spend the rest of her life with him, and she agreed. We wish them a lifetime of love and happiness! And life moves on…

As you look back at your life, ask yourself if you could ever have imagined the kinds of changes you’ve lived through. For me, it’s been so much better than I could ever have planned… we make plans, and God laughs!

Pretend it’s 2046, 34 years from now. What kind of legacy have you left – at work, at home, through your children, through your giving of time, talent and treasure? Who is better off because you’ve been a part of their lives? If you’re happy with things as they are, good for you! If you’re not, what’s keeping you from changing them? Create your legacy tomorrow, and the next day and the next. It’s never too late to start.

Categories : Legacy